i am, I am

who am i?

when i run hot combs through my cotton wool hair/i am baby/from the chocolate dips of my breasts to/the divide of my hips/to the womanhood between my full thighs/i am honey, lover, adored/i am your pride./

when nobody wants to hire the negro,/when jack daniel’s beckons you to the solitary alley of your mind,/when the pay can fit in our new born’s infantile grasp,/i am bitch, whore/amidst the romance between my newly roughed cheeks/and your sandpaper palms./i am not partner or equal i am/slave/one who is not your wife./

the first day i excused you in the name of love/the second in adoration/the third, friendship/but soon,/i ran out of false adjectives/i found that i could not/mould your flaws into gold/i found that i am no midas./

on that night when the silk nightgown/turned a shade of crimson/when i oiled my breasts and between/my thighs/for your glorification,/when i put my earthly body up there/on the altar of your exploration,/when you raised that callused knuckle to/the contour of my inherited cheeks,/when i discovered the cabbage kinfe/and again the bacon knife and again/the chicken knife,/i unbecame bitch and whore and honey and lover and adored./i became the reclaimed/the reborn phoenix/i decided that black and blue was not my skin tone/that father did not pick cotton in mississipi/for thirty years/for his girl to become some drunkard’s punching bag/that i would no longer fold myself into a creation i could not recognize/that you, tony freeman, were not the owner/ of my soul/and i was not your slave/not your thing/not your object/not your toy/ and you,/[laugh]/you would no longer be the master of my pain./

so who am I?

I am the sexy woman/who puts lavender between her shoulder blades./I am the mighty empress /who is exalted and placed atop a fiery pedestal/I am she who is anxious to wake up/ and find that the floor has run away./I am friend and girl and woman and daughter/ I am secret lover, private prize, mother and on those nights/when you creaked the bed of another/I was father, too.

who am I?

I am rediscovered self/reclaimed person/stranger to grief/founder of passion/creator of the orgasm.

who am I?

I am wonderwoman and superman/risen angel and fallen demon/lacerated heart and empty cavity/ I am fullness and I am also emptiness/ I am hurricane and I am drizzle/ I am me and/

I do not wish to know you.